just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
