she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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