He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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