dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Randomize
