it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
pray to the hookup gods
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
