if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
