I feel great
I just peed on a car
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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