if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
you never un-have a 4some
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
