dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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