You smell like stripper and shame
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
