i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
I did not marry a roomba.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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