So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
