Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
