Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
