Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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