Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
