hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
