Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
