I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
