I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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