So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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