ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
