hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
