so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
