I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
