So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
