just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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