i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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