"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
