The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
