I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
