Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
