Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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