Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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