Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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