she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
