just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
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