I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
