If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
