i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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