The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
