I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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