I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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