Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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