so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
