How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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