all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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