On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
