kristin has been a bad kristin
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
