on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
