I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
