so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
