My girlfriend figured out who you are.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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